All around the world parents walk the tightrope of family and career. It is a balancing act that sometimes goes pear shaped. A study commissioned by IKEA and coordinated by Gallup [August 2003] found 48% of Canadian parents want to spend more time with their families. In Asia the Taipei Times [April 5, 2009] quoted a Children’s Welfare League Foundation survey that showed being ignored by their parents was a major source of unhappiness of most elementary children.
Quality, Not Quantity
Relationships thrive not on the amount of time spent together but on the quality of that time. The time together without an agenda is what Matthew Kelly in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy [Fireside, November 1, 2005] coined “carefree timelessness”. Your sole intention is to achieve nothing other than to be fully present and enjoy each other’s company. Your full attention on your child in these moments allow for a significant connection to be formed.
A key component is a healthy relationship is having quality conversations. These go beyond the clichéd nattering into the world of personal exchanges. It involves sharing your experiences, thoughts, feelings, fears, desires and needs in an open and relaxed manner. As you reveal more of yourself and your life story, you child will do the same and it is your non-judging and empathetic listening that will build the strong bonds with your family.
Prioritise Your Life
Clearly you will have daily obligations to fulfill and there are numerous urgent tasks to complete. Start making a distinction between what is urgent and what is truly important. Sending that suit to the dry cleaners for a meeting the next day is urgent. Being there for your child while he is stressing over his exams is important. The problem thus is that the important things are not necessarily urgent.
In order to allocate more energy for your child, it may be necessary to review the way you spend your time and this means prioritising your daily duties. Turning your relationship with your child into your main concern may take some changes and sacrifices. Over time your lives change as your altered daily routine becomes a habit and hence more natural. These small changes in your daily routine can have a tremendous impact on your family.
Start Early and Be Consistent
In interviews on Larry King Live [originally aired on February 23, 2001] and the Pentagon Channel [originally aired on May 29, 2008] number one golfer and family man Tiger Woods recall fondly how his parents played a big role in his life. During his younger days his mother took him to every junior golf tournament and even kept score. His father, though busy at work, always made time for him and put down whatever he was doing whenever the younger Woods wanted to talk to his dad.
Your relationships with your children are not built overnight. Starting when they are young and making it a habit is the key to success. Although your kids may not visibly express their appreciation, the special times that you spend with them will be etched in their minds for a long time to come.
The truth is that many parent-child relationships could do with more one-on-one time. There are many ways to spend time together. The key is choosing to do so and this may lie in your willingness to make sacrifices and make quality time with your child a priority.
Thaddeus Lawrence - A trainer and facilitator for youth and corporate workshops, Thaddeus is a former Economics lecturer and English teacher whose areas of ...
